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7 April, 20107 April, 2010 0 comments Dating/Relationships Dating/Relationships

 

THE GOOD SHIP: COURTSHIP

 

A priest once gave me some guidelines with dating/courting .He says that you are on a journey, a voyage to be exact. Imagine being on a fabulous ship on a cruise. The ship's name: Courtship. This boat has three levels of different descriptions and designs. You can go back and forth from one level to the next by going up or down the steps. The different levels complement each other and can overlap.

 The first level is CLEAN. Here you may date someone who is free to date, which is not presently married to someone else or may have any vows of chastity from which a person has not yet been released. Both parties' intentions should be pure. Neither party should try to get intimately involved before marriage. Many young girls think that a physical relationship secures the guy. Unfortunately, when the physical in the relationship progresses and dominates, the emotional, social, and most importantly, the spiritual aspects suffer and fail to grow. Again, purity of heart.

The second level is CATHOLIC. The person you are dating should also be a Catholic. Having the same Catholic values helps one hundred percent in embarking down the important path of marriage on the road to heaven, because you are not alone but with your mate, and plants a firm basis for the children to come. You will be able to help each other and your family reaches the same goal: being forever to love, honors, and serve God in heaven.

 The third level is COURTEOUS. A guy needs to put the girl's concerns before one's own. A girl needs to respect guy's attempts to please her and allow him to be gentlemanly with her. Good manners are a must. If a guy is only interested in just getting intimate with a girl, he certainly is not planning on guarding her heart with his life. So if and when a guy gets just what he wants, boredom and emptiness follows as well as his attitude that he does seem to not know the girl or ignores her as if she does not exist. He may also put the blame on her and states it is her fault as she should have been the main one to prevent relationships from getting too close. The marital act is the result of total commitment, and not a way to keep a guy interested.

So why not take this journey and walk on board of each of the three floors of the Courtship. IT can prove to be very rewarding and help to avoid a lot of heartache. Let's ask Our Lady and Our Lord to help us in our endeavors.

 

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31 March, 201031 March, 2010 0 comments Dating/Relationships Dating/Relationships

 

Relationships

 

In a relationship, it is very important that this time in your life is openly seen, not hidden from immediate family, especially parents. Why should it be a secret? No one should encourage you even the person you are dating to suggest you should privately see each other. If he does this with you, he can also do this to you with someone else. Also, when things do get public your relationship may become boring as you are used to having fun in secret. Secret relationships now can lead to secret relationships when married as this used to be the norm or exciting when single.  If you hid something from your family, you most likely are not being honest with your family, yourself, perhaps even God. A good relationship is based on honesty and trust. It is helpful to have parents with past experiences as guides in a Christian relationship.

It's important that you find someone who likes you. Be positive, be confident, but realize our tastes can change over time. I remember really liking this one guy and a few years later thinking,"What did I see in him?" the Bible says,"Love is patient and is kind." Also, "Love bears all things, believes all things, and hopes all things. Love never ends." See Cor. 13th by St. Paul for the whole text referring to charity /love. It is a beautiful chapter.

What about age? Is this a factor? It can be. I would say it depends on where the two people are in their lives. Maturity level is also a factor. A fifteen year old is probably finishing high school while a twenty-two year old is beginning his career. The girl may not have established if she has a vocation, let alone completed ten minutes of public speaking in English class, and should usually not even entertain marriage with all the responsibilities. A girl matures faster but normally hasn't grown up yet. What about the guy younger than the girl? Again, it still depends on maturity and where both are in their lives at the time as well as similar interests. Are we looking to get married? Hope so. This is an important factor.

Finally, let's make sure we keep an open and honest relationship under some guidance from parents and/or confessors and also seek the help of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. As well, we can also invoke the help of St. Anne with these words,"St. Anne, St. Anne, please help me find that right man (woman); not just any (woman) man will do."

 

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23 March, 201023 March, 2010 0 comments Dating/Relationships Dating/Relationships

 

                                                              Dating and Looking for Mr. Right

 

How am I going to find the right person? Where should I look and when is that going to happen? We really don't know when that will happen. Things like dating and marriage usually do not happen on schedule, like the so called five year plan. That may work with school or jobs but not with people. As for where to look, I have known people to look in bars and found someone, however this place is not the best place for meeting a good Catholic person. Sometimes we may think that we had just missed seeing that person. I believe a better train of thought at this point would be, if we are called to the marriage state by God, we should put some faith in God and give Him the free hand to place that person in our path in His good time. Patience is a virtue. Maybe God is waiting for us to put our confidence in Him and test our faith. This can make us stronger, for when we meet the right person, there will be bigger obstacles to face. So right now trust God. Be okay with your present status. No one wants a desperate person. We can look forward to marriage but daydreaming doesn't help God's kingdom nor does it help us enjoy our single life. I remember when I was single and my married friends would say that they wished they were me for a few hours or that they had enjoyed their single life either a bit longer or seen that it probably wasn't all that bad.

Of course I do not mean don't look at all or just sit at home and see if it just happens. Oh no. All these past thoughts are to convey the importance of being happy and loving God first before we can open ourselves to truly loving someone else. People find that special someone in college, occasionally in high school (St. Mary's can be the exception!) and ideally getting married after studies. I would find it hard to get married while I was doing exams or full time school as my time is divided but it has been done. I remember in nursing school how I was studying hard for an exam and my older sister who was as A-student going out the night before on a date because she could easily pass with minimal effort. It sure seemed unfair to me at the time. But looking back, I am glad I was free for school because I do not think I could have juggled both fully.

Now where to meet. The young adult gathering for traditional Catholics in Colorado is interesting for some. I personally think the location could be in different places so it can be a different experience for the same person the following year. The conferences the priests give are very good. Catholic reunions are good too. I hear there is a school reunion in St. Mary's in July. I understand it is open to all. A pilgrimage is also a good way to meet people that have similar interests and goals. Many people meet up with friends at ordinations, the yearly ordinations in Winona for example. Another benefit is there are lots of religious in Winona to give advice. Then of course on line are our two dating sites. I have friends who have met on line. It certainly makes us aware of the Catholics around the world. Did you know there are 199 million square miles on earth? I'm sure your soul mate is out there!

Finally, Saint Joseph feast was recently on March 19th. Let us ask him to help us find that spouse.

Till next week. Melissa

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16 March, 201016 March, 2010 2 comments Dating/Relationships Dating/Relationships

 

DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS

All men and women would like the right person to share their lives. One may join this site for that very reason. What do women want? This statement sound pretty familiar.  We deserve a man to will love purely and lead us to God. Weather He come first in the relationship would be really the first thing that comes to mind. Do not settle for anything less. But where can I find a guy like that? Many guys want different things, opposite things.

For Catholic men and especially women (correct me if I am wrong), we spend a lot of time worrying about finding "the one." Let's put that matter into God's hands first. Serve God well in your single life unreservedly. Being content and happy in your present situation is actually more attracting for a female. This will pave the way for a strong marriage down the road. St. Paul says, "I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content." (Phil. 4:11). If you are not content now, there may be a time when you are married that you will wish you were single again. You as a person inside, married or not, do not change.

St. Therese of Lisieux is one of my favorite saints. She once said, "The happier they are to be as He wills the more perfect they are." We can apply this to our present situation. If we can learn to be happy where we are in life, we can learn to trust God‘s will to guide us in the right direction.

We all want the "good" person to be with. All the good characteristics we are looking for (kindness, sincere, respectful, considerate, faithful, Catholic and practicing) we are hopefully doing those ourselves as the opposite gender is likely doing the same. I remember praying for someone who hadn't been physically with someone else; I did get that person and more. It is good to set a high standard. You may not have a date every weekend, but you will send a message of being serious for love. Pray for the right person for you. God often send him when you least expect it.

Finally, let's not forget to ask Our Lady for her help in our endeavors.

Till next week. Melissa

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8 March, 20108 March, 2010 0 comments Dating/Relationships Dating/Relationships

 

Courtship and Dating

Dating nowadays is such a loose term and can mean different things depending on who you are talking to. I've read somewhere that the idea of spending time with a person of the opposite sex with the possibility of a lifelong commitment has been around for the last century. It doesn't look like people dated in the Old Testament; more likely it was arranged. My grandparents on my mother's side were arranged. She was 16-17 and he was 18.They didn't know each other. From what I understand it was for survival reasons. It lasted and they had eight children together. From this example, I think it is healthy for parents to have some imput in who your future mate could be. (Hey, they were there once). But not everyone has that luxury.

Dating involves being with a person of the opposite gender with whom you have an interest  with over a period of time .Some people date for the sake of dating with no goal in mind, in and out of relationships, like buying and returning new clothes with no intent of keeping it no matter how well worn you use it. A Catholic form of dating involves courtship. You go out with someone with the intent of minding a mate for life. This is prep for marriage. How you spend your time before marriage often mirrors the way you'll be after you tie the knot.

Okay, courtship.  First of all, we should make sure it is God's will to be with that certain person. Jesus and Mary should be at the top of our game here.    You may say "My, this is getting serious."  Of course I am. This is going to be an important step in your life and if you are not serious about it or committed, don't date or be courted. Next, have someone that can guide you in your relationship, preferably of the same gender. Even a priest can give you some pointers. I remember asking a priest for advice in the confessional. Looking back, he was always right. There is a Proverbs saying which I feel drives home my point: "Without counsel plans go wrong, but with many advisers they succeed." Thirdly, spend time with this person doing activities, games, and visiting with family and close friends. This way you will see how he/she reacts to others or in a situation; is it pleasing to you? Are you finding out who this person really is? There is plenty of time later to stare in into each others' eyes and dream away reality.

Finally, ask God's blessing from the start. Be accountable for your actions. And as always, ask Jesus and Mary to guide you.

 

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