CHASTITY, LOVE, AND LUST

Some people will wait until marriage before having intimate relationships, but in the meantime, they will do everything else, meaning, not being completely chaste with the person they plan to marry. However, besides the fact that they will likely be breaking the sixth commandment, this choice maybe preventing us from realizing whether it is true love or not. True love and chastity actually go hand in hand. Often, physical "closeness" which is very strong, is mistaken for true love. Lust does draw two people together and the strong passion that evolves from it makes it hard to see if we truly love someone and truly want to sacrifice oneself for another. We all want to be loved, but I know many people who stay or jump in/out of a compromised situation so they are not lonely and do not feel pain. However being chaste will help us find true love.

When we are in love, we like to please the object of our affections. Some girls think that if we give a guy all he wants, he will love her. That is not so. True love demands a pure heart and intention. If we really love someone, we will do what is best for that person and not lead another and oneself into sin. So we must and should refuse intimacy until marriage following God's commandment and thus showing we truly care about the person we are interested in. It will build a better ground for future marriage whether it is this person or someone else. I remember a guy telling me that he loved me more because I refused to let him get too close. When one gets very close to another of the opposite sex, many a time it does eventually lead to sex and then it is too late. Often, doing everything except the marriage act often leads to boredom down the road and interest fades as soon there is nothing left to do and they forget to learn about the other person and enjoy that person as a person and grow in true love together. Also, one get sexually frustrated when all one is focused on is to do everything but sex and nothing up to it is satisfying oneself. When one does not follow the guidelines of purity, a feeling of guilt and remorse often ensues and the relationship often does not last or is miserable in the future because it was mainly based on feelings and pleasure.

When we have a crush on someone, we are normally blind to their faults or we refuse to see them when they are pointed out to us. The same is true with physical intimacy. We don't see the person; just see the pleasure in front of us. So it is very good to take a step back and look at the whole package. When we are out of a situation, we can easily look back and see how clean the experience was. Sometimes we stay in a relationship because we don't want the pain of loss or lose a person in our life.

Finally, true love is sacrificial love, not selfish. It is pure and considerate. It put's God and His laws first. It is also considerate of the other person, and helps the right two people to get together. It brings true happiness, unselfish. It also brings joy and peace.

Let's ask the Holy Family, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, to help us remain chaste and guarded in our quest for a future spouse!